Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
When did angry sex become our thing?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
