i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
