Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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