batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I supernannyed him into submission
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
