Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
