need another drink. this is the easiest way
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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