3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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