Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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