oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
