Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
