one might say we're banned from that church
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
