I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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