were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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