Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
