its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
