This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
