Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
