is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
