; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Randomize
