i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
That's how pantless uber rides happen
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
