my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
