my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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