I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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