The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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