Welp...herpes.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
did i walk over a car last night?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
