1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
