Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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