I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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