I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
