she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
