If i come over, it means nothing
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
