party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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