Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
