WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
