you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
