My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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