I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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