someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
