I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
