Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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