is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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