There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just had sex bonerless
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
