20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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