I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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