your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
