I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
