Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
