I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
