ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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