Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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