I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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