I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The feeling are messing with the penis
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
