dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
