shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
