fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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