Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
