she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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